Focus on Forgiveness: When 'Sorry' Isn't Enough

Forgiveness is one of those things that gets thrown around a lot in conversations about healing, but what does it actually mean in the context of family dynamics?

Jan 14, 2025

If you're here, you probably already know this isn’t going to be a fluffy "just let it go" kind of article. Forgiveness is complex, layered, and, honestly, sometimes exhausting. It’s also transformative in ways that go far beyond the surface.

Sidenote: California is still on fire. Please join me in supporting wildfire relief by donating via these resources: https://linktr.ee/froydinger

Forgiveness Needs More Than Words

Forgiveness doesn’t magically wipe the slate clean. The past doesn’t disappear, and trust isn’t rebuilt overnight. In families, this is especially true because the people you’re trying to forgive are often the ones who had the biggest impact on shaping who you are. A simple "I’m sorry" might open the door, but it takes much more to walk through it and truly heal.

Healing comes from consistent actions that rebuild trust, not just words that acknowledge hurt.

Forgiveness isn’t about ignoring accountability, and accountability isn’t about punishment. They’re two sides of the same coin, both needed to create meaningful change.

The Weight We Inherit

Generational trauma is like an unspoken inheritance. It’s the unresolved pain, anger, and silence that trickles down through families. Maybe your parents were carrying their own wounds and unknowingly passed some of those scars onto you. Understanding this doesn’t excuse harmful behavior, but it helps paint a fuller picture of why certain patterns exist.

Forgiveness here is about breaking free from the hold of that pain so you don’t carry it forward. If you do, it can literally alter your DNA. You’re not only healing yourself, you’re paving the way for future generations to grow up with less baggage.

Turning Apologies Into Change

Forgiving within a family can be challenging, but it’s a meaningful journey. Here are key steps to help you move forward:

1. Seek Family Therapy

A therapist can provide a safe space to address hurt feelings and misunderstandings, guiding conversations to rebuild trust.

2. Have Honest Conversations

Set aside time to openly discuss your feelings using “I” statements, like “I feel hurt when…”, and practice active listening to foster empathy.

3. Turn Apologies Into Change

An apology is just the start. Ask yourself:

• Has their behavior genuinely changed?

• Are they consistently showing commitment to improvement?

Accountability involves repairing what was broken through actions, not just words. Remember, forgiveness is for your peace, not their validation.

4. Show Consistent Change

Demonstrate your commitment by being more present and supportive, and by avoiding past mistakes to help rebuild trust over time.

5. Be Patient

Understand that forgiveness takes time. Allow space for gradual healing without expecting immediate resolution.

6. Set Boundaries When Needed

If others aren’t ready to work on the relationship, it’s okay to protect yourself by setting boundaries and focusing on your own healing.

7. Build a Support System

Lean on friends, extended family, or support groups for comfort and practical advice as you navigate forgiveness.

Forgiving family members is a bold step toward healing and stronger relationships.

Every step you take is a testament to your strength and commitment.

A Personal Journey

Speaking on that: forgiveness isn’t something you give to someone else; it’s something you do for yourself. It’s a way to release the grip of past pain and make space for your own healing. This doesn’t mean you have to reconcile or even keep the person in your life. It’s about choosing not to let their actions define your future.

The process isn’t always straightforward. Some days, you might feel like you’ve moved on; other days, the anger or sadness might return. That’s okay.

Healing is rarely linear, and forgiveness is a practice you return to as needed.

Breaking the Cycle for Good

Forgiveness has the power to break cycles.
Think of it as rewriting your legacy rather than your story.
Everything you’ve experienced so far is just the prologue.
By healing, you demonstrate to future generations that life without the burden of unresolved pain is possible.

Breaking the cycle means addressing your pain now so it doesn’t carry forward. It requires self-reflection, honest effort, and communication built on empathy and accountability within your family.

No Excuses

Forgiveness is complicated. It doesn’t mean forgetting what happened or excusing harmful behavior. It means reclaiming your power and choosing to move forward without carrying someone else’s pain. It’s about creating a life where healing is possible and breaking the patterns that no longer serve you.

If you’re navigating forgiveness right now, give yourself grace. Take the time you need, set the boundaries that feel right, and remember that this is a journey, not a race.

Reach out in the comments and don’t be afraid to ask if you need support!