Invisible Wall
"Does it feel like I belong here or does this feel like an invisible wall?"
Recently the topic of "returning to childhood curiosity" has been at the top of my mind.
That curiosity has brought my attention to an interesting phenomenon that I have become conscious of as of late. I call it "The Invisible Wall."
The closest thing I can compare it to is when you come across the end of a map in a video game. You'll be running or driving at full speed towards what seems like another part of the map when suddenly BAM, you get brought to a sudden halt.
No matter what you do, you cannot continue in that same direction any longer.
That’s what I have been noticing happening to me more and more.
For example, since starting my healing journey, I have reconnected with a lot of people from my past.
Some were former leaders of mine, former teachers, former classmates, friends I had disagreements with and hadn't talked to since.
You name it, and in those interactions there were a few connections I really wanted to reopen again, and it seemed that no matter what I did things would fall through.
You'd think that would make me want to not try anymore, but it was quite the opposite. I would try even harder, only to be met with more resistance.
Finally, I would start getting that gut feeling that I’m not supposed to head in that direction. Since I have started noticing those scenarios, I have gotten better at catching myself before I pour too much unnecessary energy into a situation that isnt for me anyway.
It normally happens when I get frustrated by the amount of times I’m having to reschedule the same event, and suddenly I think "Oh, I’m not supposed to be here."
And then I let off the gas and suddenly things improve again.
I would say that I now trust this intuition, but then what does this mean about how our lives are governed?
Do we not have full control of our journeys?
Do we have built in safety nets that ensure a specific journey plays out?
Honestly, it feels as though the answer is somewhere in the middle.
Just like in that video game reference I made earlier, as long as I stay within certain limits I am free to explore. My horizons only widening after I have experienced certain events necessary for me to address what lies ahead.
The difficult part is that the experiences seem to be personalized to the individual so its hard to say how you should respond to your experiences.
What I can say is that you could start by asking yourself: "Does it feel like I belong here or does this feel like an invisible wall?"
