What I Wish I Knew About Healing
There comes a point where the weight passed on is too heavy to carry for a lifetime, and so the trauma must be addressed by whichever generation is unfortunate enough to carry the heaviest stone.
Over the past few years since I began addressing generational trauma in my life I have seen more and more people openly addressing this very same topic in their own lives, which has been so amazing to see.
I have been very fortunate to have had an opportunity to interview some mental health professionals to pick their brains on why it is they think that society is collectively addressing generational trauma now.
Generational Trauma: Compounded
So far the best answer I have received is that it has a lot to do with the way generational trauma is compounded upon prior to being passed on to the next generation. So that means that the trauma being placed on the next generation's shoulders gets heavier with every new generation.
There comes a point where the weight passed on is too heavy to carry for a lifetime, and so the trauma must be addressed by whichever generation is unfortunate enough to carry the heaviest stone in order to live a fulfilling life.
“Better” Than This
I had found myself in this very predicament. After my own life was halted a few years ago by the catastrophe that was the trauma I carried, I could no longer ignore the mess that was before me.
"Anything else has to be better than this." I said to myself in that moment. I began my journey in therapy shortly after and found myself in completely uncharted waters. I had no guide of what life would look like without the lenses I inherited and used to gain perspective about the world i lived in.
So if not this, then what? This next chapter is one I am still very much in, and find both fulfilling and terrifying at the same time.
This is a chapter I refer to as "the new orbit." What no one had explained to me about healing was that my own journey to self love would create a new gravitational pull in my reality. I would say two major events followed the start of my healing journey.
The Unveiling
The first event was most definitely the scariest. I call this "the unveiling." In therapy I learned that I had adopted a false reality to protect myself from feeling the neglect I experienced as a child.
When I did eventually begin to feel the deep sense of abandonment, I began to openly tell my story without the filter that protected those whom had hurt me. I had a subconscious understanding that telling my story was an act of betrayal to my family members, and it was with merit because exactly what I feared would happen, happened. I was deemed "ungrateful" for speaking my truth out-loud.
I found myself adrift, clinging to whatever scraps from the wreckage I could find to keep myself afloat. This led to a very lonely time in my life that lasted long enough for me to realize no one was coming to my rescue.
The first step was to accept that I had permanently left my old reality, then and only then could I begin the arduous process of starting anew.
But once I did, the world around me started shifting incredibly fast. In that time frame I realized that for the first time I became the driver of my reality, and it was affecting more than just me.
The New Orbit
The second event is where I find myself today. This is where "the new orbit" begins.
Self love breeds stability.
With stability comes a new version of relationships that I did not think was possible. They are far richer, with deeper connections than ever before. At times it is absolutely overwhelming.
When I started doing the work on myself and began building the structures that make up who I am today, for example: Win The Night. People started noticing and it felt almost as though they were "orbiting" this new reality.
My friends started working on their own lives, and fortifying old friendships that connect us all together. Just last weekend I came to the realization that my place had become the "safe house."
My older brother was over just as he now is every Sunday for us to both work on a project we have been working on since the end of last year (shh it's still a secret), and my sister was also over with her boyfriend playing video games in the background.
Just as my brother and I were working I caught a glimpse of everyone just having a good time (my roommate was also participating), and I finally started to understand why I was on this path. All the loneliness, and pain I endured.
There was a purpose for it all.
Curiosity is Key
Of course, I am not saying that it is only good and then nothing bad ever happens. That would be dishonest of me to say, however the bad creates curiosity for me now.
"What am I supposed to learn here?" is now a question that comes up when things aren't going my way.
It is that curiosity that keeps me driven to ride out those difficult periods. In doing so the good moments become that much more enjoyable. I can't say I know what happens from here, but it is nothing like I was expecting, in the best way possible.
What I do know is that there is a new orbit, with much brighter stars than the one I was born into. And that absolutely pushes me forward.
Have you experienced a shift in your orbit? Let us know in the comments!